


Boys Will Be Boys

by momentinsubtext



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-19
Updated: 2008-05-19
Packaged: 2018-02-15 08:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2222481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momentinsubtext/pseuds/momentinsubtext
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had started out innocently enough. Well, as innocently as anything involving Jack is possible to start, anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boys Will Be Boys

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted from my Teaspoon account.

It started with alcohol, as such things often do.  
  
The Doctor had nonchalantly mentioned -in the midst of a stream of words that even the Tardis had had difficulty following- that as a result of his Gallifreyan biology, it was next to impossible for him to get drunk.  
  
The first thing Jack decided to do with this knowledge was prove it wrong.  
  
  
  
Several hours, over half of the Tardis' alcohol supply, and a few thousand stories of Jack's sexual exploits later, the Doctor was having a slight adequacy issue. Mostly because Jack had yet to tell a story he could even remotely compete with. It was starting to grate on his nerves.  
  
He was a nine-hundred-plus year old Time Lord, damn it! He should not be bested by a human!  
  
"I've slept with myself," he said suddenly, interrupting Jack's latest story. Said story included limbs and appendages the Tardis was pretty sure no humanoid species had ever possessed, and while she didn't understand it fully, made her feel vaguely unclean in a rather fun sort of way. "Well, I say myself, I mean my previous self. Well, I say previous self, I mean previous _selves._ "  
  
"You've never were good at following rules," Jack muttered. "Shoulda known."  
  
The Doctor grinned. "Wanna know which ones?"  
  
  
  
"Mine's bigger."  
  
Were she capable of it, the Tardis would have sighed. Granted, this was the inevitable conclusion of this particular encounter, but for gods sake, the last of the Time Lords and Jack-the-fact could at least attempt to be less predictable.  
  
"'s not," the Doctor said. "'m a Time Lord. Better 'n you."  
  
It's possible he was slightly drunk.  
  
"Speciesist." Jack muttered, not drunk at all. The Tardis wasn't surprised in the slightest.  
  
"Huh-uh," the Doctor said petulantly. "'s true."  
  
"Not it's not."  
  
"Is so."  
  
"Not."  
  
"So."  
  
"Not."  
  
"So."  
  
"We could just settle this the easy way," Jack suggested, his eyes linger just a bit too long on the Doctor's pants. "Of course," he added as if it were an afterthought - and the Tardis wasn't so naive as to believe that, "If I'm right, I get to have sex with you. When you're sober."  
  
As the Doctor has never had any sense of self preservation, he promptly agreed.  
  
   
  
"I was _drunk!_ " the Doctor protested, sounding affronted. "I didn't even know what I was saying!"  
  
"That's no excuse."  
  
"Yes it is. It's a perfectly good excuse," the Doctor said quickly, looking distinctly uncomfortable.  
  
"And...?" Jack prompted, smirking.  
  
"And... and... " The Doctor fumbled, then sighed. "Aw, to hell with it. For gods sake, Jack, my ship may be bigger on the inside, but my arse is _not!_ You keep that thing away from me!"


End file.
